Thought Diary

I don`t want to disappoint you, but I know how upset you would be if you knew the person I`ve become. Deep down inside, all I want is to make you proud of me. But what lies next to this wish is a dark shadow… and it is consuming me.

I hope you never find this darkness within me. And if you do, I pray that you`d still love me.

THAT AWESOME MOMENT when you realize you don`t have feelings for someone anymore.

#mysadlife

What sucks about having someone come into your life and realizing you want nothing to do with them is that they don`t just disappear. You can`t wish them away. They`ll follow you around for a while and you`ll act awkwardly around them because you really don`t want to have to interact with them.

I can`t tell if I feel bad or if I`m just telling myself I feel bad.

I think at the end of the day, the worst feeling is realizing how alone you are.

I do what I can but its not enough.

I`m so weird.

I don`t want to come out of my room because I just want to be alone.
But I don`t want to be alone…

What.

Friiik. Why am I so lonely lately.

WHAT IS WITH THIS SUDDEN DEPRESSED STAGE OF FEELING INCREDIBLY LONELY. Maybe I am lonely. Ugh I think it`s my environment. I don`t want to be here right now.

.

I think the only reason why I like to turn my music up really loud is to drown out the sounds of me being all the effing alone in my room by myself.

sigh.

Oh, and because I have bomb music.

But really doe. Forever alone. Just how like it… I guess.

Ugh. Why can`t you see that I don`t want to date you.

I just want to get in your pants and leave. GOSH.

What is worse?

Missing someone and being sad
Or being sad and having no one to miss?

To have had someone and miss what you once had
Or to wish that you had a reason to miss someone…

Is it SO bad all I want is someone to cuddle with at night?

This is for you two.

Even though I`m thoroughly disgusted and don`t approve of two of my best friends getting together, I`m glad that you guys are together since you guys are happy :] It`s going to be hard to take sides (if one side would ever tell me what he`s thinking D< ). But nevertheless, I promise that I will never, ever get in the way of you two being together, as long as that is what both of you want. And even though there are so many million times that the fact that you two are together makes me mad, sigh, there`s nothing I can really do to break you two apart.

I just hope that she is happy with the person you are turning her into.

Rules of the Game.

You will not fall.
You will not go to the target, they will come to you (unless they live like really close).
You will not double text.
You will not appear “needy.”
You will attempt to not seem like you “want it.”
You will never openly admit anything to the target.
Once the deed is done, ties may be broken, and if needed, severed.
But, double taps and FBs are allowed.
If Rule #1 is broken, you have lost. I really hope he makes you happy and fill in the holes within your heart that conceived this game in the first place.

Maybe the reason why I let guys treat me so terribly is because I don`t know how to be treated.

Someone made me sad again and all I want to do is punch him in the face and tell him to WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP PUSHING EVERYONE AWAY

You`re no fun anymore. I can`t deal with the person you`ve turned into in such a short time. I thought I could talk to you but I can`t. I thought you were one of my best friends, but since I don`t even feel like I can even get through to you anymore… I tell you almost every important detail of whats going on in my life but now I feel like I`ve wasted my breathe and time trying to stay close to you.

I know you feel like you can`t keep in contact with even your close friends, but I really don`t understand why you do this. I don`t understand why you feel like keeping people in your life is a waste of time. It frustrates me how single minded you can be.

I think I`m just asking for too much… once again.